I was terrified to launch my first educational product.
I just launched my first paid resource called Make the Leap, which is an educational content and tool to help other creatives and professionals in leaving their 9-5 jobs and fly solo.
Putting together this course was an incredible journey of facing my fears, going back to old learnings and bringing together incredible resources that - along with therapy - helped me leaving my 10+ years of financial security and reinforced professional confidence and jump into the unknown and work for myself in a career that was very new to me.
But today I am not here to sell my course - it is definitely not for everyone - but to speak about the emotional challenges I had when I was creating it.
You see, the first part of this course is a 2-part chapter focused on Mindset.
I don't think you can speak of preparing for such a big change in life without preparing your mindset for such. Because working solo when you come from having a formal job isn't just about having autonomy over your time and a little financial insecurity.
It is something that can mess up deeply with our anxiety, fear of failing, fear of having made the wrong decision, fear of regret, fear of not being good enough, smart enough or work hard enough to make it work.
And if this fear isn't looked at, cared for and re-signified, it can cause us to be so hard on ourselves, doubt on ourselves, postpone our dreams or even give up to a point where we will then say “I was dumb to think I could do it".
So my approach is to always look at our fears, work on understanding what they are and where they are coming from, break them down into things we can do to ease them up and having a library of strategies we can resort to when they come knocking.
Prior to creating this course I interviewed a range of other professionals who had already made the leap or were working on it so I could better understand all their pain points and fears. And with a lot of help for this group of people and Brené Brown I came to understand that the underlying source of these fears is SHAME.
In fact, when I was creating the course I would frequently question myself:
What do I know and who do I think I am? >> There are far better and more prepared people out there that can teach this >> I'm too arrogant to think that I could teach anything to anyone
And when I picked each of these thoughts and broke them down into what they meant and where they came from I realized that most of them were related to:
- Fear of failing and therefore being judged - “no one will buy it” / “I'll become a joke”
- Fear of being judged - people will say “who do you think you are" / “what do you think you know”
- Fear of being rejected and therefore being judged - being unfollowed by the mere 900 followers I have on my Instagram
And each and every single one of these fears, which are born out of the fear of judgement, can be re-signified as shame which is -
'The most primitive feeling that we experience. It is an intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.' - Brené Brown
How many people do you know who:
Wanted to start covering a topic on their instagram to eventually become a reference on the subject but were to embarrassed to do it (a lot people fear being called ‘a blogger’ or ‘an influencer')
Wanted to study something new in their mid 30's but were too afraid of being judged for being ‘too old to change careers’
Or even wanted to travel alone, explore their sexuality, dress up differently than they've always did, take a step down from their stressful job, buy a new car, chop off their hair or whatever it is that was a big change to what most people perceive them for … but were too afraid to be judged?
The fear of judgement can make us hide ourselves too much, hold ourselves back, become different people than we truly are to a point that we can live our whole lives being someone else that doesn't even exist. And when I realized how much of me was being held back and not being their truest self due to the fear of what others would think I could have clarity on the best strategies for me to cope with this particular fear:
THE ‘THEN WHAT’ QUESTION
I am a walking cucumber with fears, and in therapy I learned that I am made of them, I will always have many fears haunting me and I just need to learn how to deal with them. So I listed all my fears just like I showed in the paragraph above - from creating a course, changing career, leaving my 9-5 job. Then I asked myself ‘then what', wrote down all the answers and kept asking it until I couldn't answer it any longer. The thing with the ‘then what’ is that it makes us unpack our fears and then begin to come up with solutions for it.
Fear: Failing and being judged - “no one will buy it” / “I'll become a joke”
Then what? I will feel like a failure and the time I spent creating it will be lost
Then what? I will work on other venues to sell it and keep improving the product
Then what? It will eventually sell and I will have learnt how to make and sell a digital product
Then what? I will have gained new skills + a new source of revenue
2. WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST: KNOW YOUR TRUTH
A friend once asked me ‘what is your biggest fear in life' and I didn't have an answer to it. While I have so many fears that hold me back from doing things I don't really see myself as a fearful person on the day-to-day, so I took this question home until I realized what my biggest fear in life was:
To live a life that doesn't belong to me and not living my story wholeheartedly.
I am truly terrified by looking back and realizing I could have done so much more of what I enjoyed doing or wanted to do that my biggest fear is the regret of not living the life I wanted to. In the word of Brené Brown -
Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy--the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
So each time other fears - particularly the fear of being judged - come knocking I remember what my biggest truth is and gather all my power to overcome them.
3. REMEMBER WHAT JUDGEMENT REALLY IS AND CHOOSE THE PEOPLE WHOSE JUDGEMENT COUNTS
As we all have an innate need to belong it is only natural that we care about what others think. And that's not only ok as it is human. The key isn't trying not to care, but selecting the people whose opinion counts for you.
'We judge people in areas where we’re vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we’re doing. If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people’s choices. If I feel good about my body, I don’t go around making fun of other people’s weight or appearance. We’re hard on each other because we’re using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived deficiency.'
Knowing this makes us question the real motivation of those who judge us, as well as the insecurities we notice on ourselves when we dare to judge others. Also remember what Teddy Roosevelt said:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”
So when shame hits, remember that it is not the critic who counts, and if they're not on the arena hussling just like you and striving valiantly, their judgment or opinions should not have a space in your heart.
