Weekly - and generous - dose of cliche: On authenticity, perfectionism and self-expression.

Circa 2015 I went to see a therapist for the first time. It was a surreal experience and at the time I remember being in absolute awe by how well he would ‘know’ me just by asking 20 minutes of what I thought to be general questions.

One of the strongest statement he made on that first session was one that I couldn’t really understand: I didn’t know how to be myself anymore.

I remember asking him three follow up questions: what do you mean, how can you be so sure and how do I know who I really am.

The thing that I didn’t realize at the time is that I spent my whole life trying to mold myself into what I thought people wanted to hear, see or do, that I unlearnt what my wishes, wants and voice truly were. And it wasn’t easy to find them again, since I didn’t even know I had lost it.

But I didn’t really understand this on my own - Brene Brown’s Gifts of Imperfection was a really good help in making sense of the loss of my authenticity.

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” 

And the root cause that made me lose my authenticity is the same one that made me create the unrealistic obsession for perfection:

“Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”

Seven years from realizing that, I made amazing progresses on finding my voice and using it to speak up. With that change some relationships were lost - the ones that were built on the person I used to think I was - and some new, more authentic and a lot more real relationships were built.

I still battle perfectionism everyday as shame and judgement still play big roles in the aspects of my self-sabotage. I also catch myself saying too many ‘whatever you want’, unnecessary ‘I’m sorry’s’ and beating myself over a spelling mistake I made on a story I can no longer delete.

But instead of letting this just define how I criticize my photography work, as a lifestyle and candid photographer I choose this - and all other very human aspects of who I am as a woman and an artist - become an integral part of how I work with my clients.

When I speak to clients - on my website, socials, discovery calls, e-mails - I mention quite repetitively that I like to connect with my subjects and offer all clients a safe space for being who they are and that all they have to do is show up with intention. 

And this is because I acknowledge how hard it can be to feel yourself in a vulnerable space (with a stranger) and embrace not just the joy of being us, but also the sorrow. And when you are able to show up and find that comfort to be yourself, this is when we get real candid shots with raw authenticity.

Specially on self-expression photography sessions.

I have a whole lot on my website explaining how I work as a lifestyle photographer. So feel free to browse through the Experience page or send me a message so we can chat :)

Obrigada,

F.